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Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Empty.

That’s honestly how I’ve been feeling these past few days.

Working part-time on campus and full-time as a college student, I’m doing everything I can to wrap up my undergraduate career. That being said, I have so much respect for my peers and fellow students who take on a job (if not another one), actively engage in campus groups, AND keep up with their studies. How frustrating that students are forced to put themselves in a position to work when they can use that time and energy toward school.

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Current Mood

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“It was seeing me my own face that comforted me. I began to worship myself. My black eyes, the shape of half-moons, were alluring to me; my nose, half flat, half not as if painstakingly made that way, I found so beautiful that I saw in it a standard which the noses of the people I did not like failed to meet. I loved my mouth; my lips were thick and wide, and when I opened my mouth I could take it in volumes, pleasure and pain, awake and asleep. It was this picture of myself–my eyes, my nose, my mouth set in the seamless,unwrinkled, unblemished skin which was my face–that I willed before me. My own face was a comfort to me, my own body was a comfort to me, and no matter how swept away I would become by anyone or anything, in the end I allowed nothing to replace my own mind in my own being.” 

– Jamaica Kincaid, The Autobiography of My Mother

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Patterns on Patterns


Lately I’ve been wearing comfy clothes as often as possible. I can’t remember the last time I wore a pair of denim jeans. Those are too stiff for my thick, muscular legs. At least tights and skirts embrace every step, every movement, every bend and twist in my body…

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Anapamu, Santa Barbara, CA

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Text reads:

The street name Anapamu meaning “rising place,” referred to a prominent hill upon which was situated a shrine where local Chumash Indian people gathered to worship powerful supernatural beings in the world above. The shrine was considered holy and a place where concentrated supernatural power was located. At the time of winter solstice when prayers were offered to the sun, Santa Barbara’s Indian people placed poles decorated with feathers on the summit of Anapamu. These poles were to remain for an entire year, to be renewed by village chiefs in and about Santa Barbara. Prayers for food, good health, protection from bears and rattlesnakes, and a host of other human needs and desires were conducted on the summit of such shrines. Just as the descendants of the Chumash today hold and respect the traditional beliefs of their ancestors, it is hoped that through an understanding of their culture, you will acquire an appreciation for the meaning of Anapamu.

I saw this wall out of the corner of my eye while walking down Anapamu Street in Downtown Santa Barbara. While I was slightly strapped on time so that I could make it to my 17:00 bus back to Isla Vista, I stopped and stared.

Stared at the red text that looked that it had been there for a while, clearly tagged by someone who disregarded its historical value and clearly did not read what these indigenous folks had to share with people in the present day.

Weird how I’ve been downtown too many times to count, yet not once did I ever consider the meaning behind Anapamu and street names that are named after people, groups, and culture in the area. All I ever assumed was surface-level thoughts like “Oh yeah, De La Guerra, like the DLG dining common (at UCSB) or DLG in the Jack Johnson song.”

I really appreciate that the city created this wall to educate passersby–whether they work downtown or are visiting from a foreign country–about the origins of the culture and history in Santa Barbara. But at the same time, I’m sure that the indigenous Chumash group had to really go out of their way to have their history preserved, as their physical space has been taken over by white people…..

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